covid-19 diaries: finding purpose amidst the pandemic
joanna lee | APRIL 1, 2020 | 2 MIN READ
I am a diabetes pharmacist who works in an ambulatory (outpatient) health care setting. As part of my job, I recommend diet and lifestyle changes, prescribe medications, and urge patients (I sometimes even go as far as to beg) to take care of their health. I do this because although they may not see the complications that lie ahead for them, I do.
As this COVID-19 pandemic progresses, I’ve been thinking a lot about my role as a health care worker and what I can do to help my patients stay healthy, especially when many of them don’t follow my instructions. I find myself wondering: “Has my day-to-day work with my patients directly reduced the risk of them contracting COVID-19?” In other words, “Does what I do even matter?”
We know that diabetics and people with other chronic medical conditions are not only at greater risk of contracting COVID-19 but also at higher risk of severe illness from it. And so I want to do everything in my power to help my diabetes patients to stay healthy and safe.
But I understand when my patients don’t always listen to my advice. It’s hard to take care of ourselves. We are inundated with things we have to do on the daily to survive, and those thoughts and actions crowd out our distant health worries. On the financial side, medication costs money, which can be difficult for those with low incomes. In addition, drugs come with constant reminders of the “dangers” and side effects of medications, so it can often be difficult to have a clear assessment of their risks and benefits.
On the psychological side, having to take medications makes us feel like failures or that our bodies are failing, while decisions to refuse medications gives us a sense of control. The barriers to medication compliance and making healthy lifestyle choices are blatant and detrimental, with grim consequences that seem far off but are definitely approaching.
And so, does my day-to-day work talking to my patients directly help reduce the risk they are susceptible to COVID-19? Am I making a difference?
After musing it over for about a week in, I’ve determined - it really does not matter whether I am personally making a difference. But, what DOES matter, is that my work can make a difference.
God can use the words I speak for his purposes. I cannot control whether or not someone changes their lifestyle or takes their medication. But I can control my actions, my tone, and my prayers. In fact, the greatest way I can love my neighbor right now is simply by doing my job and doing it well.
If there is a thin fragile thread that connects my daily work, as mundane as it may seem sometimes, to mitigating this pandemic, it is that I am doing my job and I’m doing it with gratitude, humility, and hope.
I’m grateful that I’m in a profession that is deemed an “essential service” and that I am in a position to serve my patients in their time of uncertainty and vulnerability.
I’m humbled, knowing that my patients’ well-being directly related to my decision-making and expertise. I am humbled that I have been called to be a voice of reason and of truth in a confusing time such as this.
I am hopeful that obedience to my calling will provide some peace to my patients. I have hope that my work (as minuscule as it may be given the global scope of this pandemic) will offer some relief to all the other health professionals on the front lines.
The situation America and the world is facing is a difficultly large pill to swallow. We don’t know what will happen, but what we do know is that we still have time to curtail this pandemic.
But God can use our small actions and do great things with them. So in this time of confusion and fear, everything we do matters. Our decisions to stay home while connecting with others matter. Our words that provide comfort, peace and hope matter. Our actions to care and love on the vulnerable and sick matter. What I do and what you do matters.
And then God will do the rest.
Editor’s Note: This essay is part of an ongoing series called “COVID-19 Diaries”, in which writers process their faith during this pandemic. If you would like to submit a COVID-19 diary, please email hannah.chao@sola.network.
Joanna Lee received her Doctor of Pharmacy (Pharm.D.) degree at USC and has been a clinical ambulatory care pharmacist for various medical conditions. Her current practice is in managing cardiovascular disease states, including high blood pressure and cholesterol, and diabetes. In her free time, she enjoys promoting health and well-being as a pilates instructor at a studio in Los Angeles.